


Here’s Your Chance (to Let it Out)

by Aerica_Menai



Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: (Celeste is the cashier from the movie), (I love her and I'm so glad she actually has a tag), Asexual Character, Asexuality, Asexuality Spectrum, Coming Out, Gen, aroace!Nile, gay demisexual!Nicky
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-27
Updated: 2020-10-27
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:42:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27233683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aerica_Menai/pseuds/Aerica_Menai
Summary: 3 times Nile lied, 2 times she told the truth, and 1 time Nicky had his own truth to tell. (It was supposed to be a 5+1 fic, but this structure ended up happening instead :P)
Relationships: Andromache of Scythia & Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani & Nicky | Nicolo di Genova & Nile Freeman
Comments: 19
Kudos: 88





	Here’s Your Chance (to Let it Out)

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Ace Week!!
> 
> Have some aspec headcanons for The Old Guard characters in celebration; had Fandom Aspec Fest happened this year, some form of this fic would have been my entry. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy!
> 
> Beta'd by the ever amazing and incredibly supportive @grayraincurtain; this would not have been published without her being so awesome <3
> 
> Title is from Goodbye Surrender by Verona Grove

The first time, Nile thought she was just getting invited out to have a good time. Their first mission after...everything had gone done without a hitch, and the group was in a celebratory mood. She figured that’s why they picked a bar that was louder than their usual fare, populated by rowdy soccer (“football, Nile, football,” Joe corrected) fans. Joe was, of course, quickly swallowed by a crowd of fellow fans, chattering away at the bar while the other three sat at a nearby table. 

Over the course of an hour, three different men from the bar approached Nile and offered to buy her next drink. The first two, Nile simply smiled and said she appreciated it but she was doing just fine with her current drink, thanks – which, luckily, was enough to send them on their way. The third one, her smile was a little tight and she (mostly patiently) explained that she was with friends. At that, he perked up and asked if she wanted to meet up later. 

Nile pressed her lips together. “No, no thank you. I – I’m not going to be here for much longer – ”

At first, it didn’t look like that was enough to dissuade the soc-football fan, but then Nile heard someone (Nicky, probably; Andy knew she could take care of herself, and while Nicky knew that, he and Joe were still a little overprotective) clear their throat behind her. 

Immediately he was apologizing and walking away. “Not your type?” Nicky asked kindly.

Nile couldn’t help her disbelieving snort as she turned to face him. “You could say that.”

Nicky’s face pinched slightly and almost immediately afterwards, Joe came bounding up. “Nicky? Nile? Are you okay?” he asked worriedly.

“Fine, just – not sure why I’m so popular all of a sudden,” Nile grumbled.

Joe bit his lip.

“…Joe?” Nile asked.

“I – I may have possibly encouraged them…” Joe muttered, avoiding her eyes.

“Joe!”

“They showed interest, they all seemed nice and smart and cute, and I – we – just thought it might be nice,” Joe sighed.

Nile turned to the rest of the table – Nicky shrugged at her apologetically and Andy just raised an eyebrow.

“You’re sweet, but really – I’m fine. Not really interested in guys, one night stands or otherwise.”

Andy smirked. “Told you boys!”

Joe and Nicky grumbled while Nile buried her head in her hands. “Alright, enough, can we move on,” she muttered, and to her great surprise they actually did drop the subject.

She was stuck with them for the foreseeable future; while she really should come completely clean, for now…whatever they thought was fine. She would deal with it later. Right now, she just wanted to drink and spend time with her new family. 

*~*

The second time, Nile should have been more prepared, but she had almost forgotten the bar incident in the rush of missions, countries and safe houses they had been speeding through. Now they were in France again, and Celeste had dropped by to pick up Andy and Nile for a night out. 

Nile was ready to have a fun night dancing at what looked to be the club’s girls only night – awesome, no men to awkwardly reject - but then Andy had to ask: “See anything you like?”

“…The dance floor?” Nile asked slowly.

Andy sighed. “Anyone on the dance floor in particular?”

Nile groaned internally. “Andy. Tell me you did not bring me to a lesbian bar.”

“I didn’t bring you to a lesbian bar,” Andy immediately replied. “I brought you to a queer bar on lesbian night – or, what did they call it – ”

“WLW night,” Celeste reminded her as she returned with their drinks.

“Yes! That’s it,” Andy nodded.

Nile groaned. “I should be heading back then; I don’t want to give anyone the wrong impression.”

Andy frowned. “But – ”

“Yeah, women aren’t for me. It’s fine, just – have fun you two,” Nile called behind her as she hurried out. She knew she would pay for it later, but for now she just wanted to get out of there.

*~*

It didn’t take long for someone to say something. Surprisingly, it wasn’t Andy or Nicky, both of whom Nile had half-expected to be the first to broach the subject. Instead it was Joe, while he was helping her restyle her hair.

“So, no men and no women?” he asked out of nowhere. 

Nile closed her eyes as she weighed her options. There wasn’t anywhere to go, and Joe was certainly not going to let it go. But…she also didn’t know what to say; she didn’t feel ready to tell him the truth. So she stayed silent.

“Is it the mortal/immortal problem? I know can be a little strange at first, it took Booker – ” And Joe abruptly fell silent.

“Yeah,” Nile blurted out, “yeah, that’s it. I just – I didn’t know how to explain it, without…” She waves a hand.

“No worries, little sister,” Joe murmured. “Forgive us for interfering?”

“Of course,” Nile reassured him. “Nothing to forgive.” They didn’t know any better, and Nile certainly wasn’t explaining anything to them; it would be unfair to blame them for doing their best with the lies she continued to feed them. Truly, nothing to forgive.

*~*

Nile knew she had only bought herself some time; the excuse Joe had handed her had an expiration date. Still, Nile let it stand; but Andy in particular was starting to subtly ask Nile why she was still not interested in *anyone.* The first forays were jokes, easy to laugh off or redirect, but Nile could see Andy’s brow furrowing and Joe’s frown out of the corner of her eye. They were immortals and they had seen so much; surely someone who wasn’t interested in either sex or romance was not the strangest thing they had encountered?

But then again…what if it was? What if revealing who she was got her kicked out for some reason, and then…then she’d truly be alone. No family, no friends…just an endless parade of days stretching ahead of her.

No, better to keep her mouth shut, Nile decided. She could do that.

Or at least, she could for a while.

But it was both far longer and far shorter of a time later than Nile had expected when Nicky asked her to come on a walk with him. He did ask her every so often, and it was usually a chance to enjoy whatever scenery Nicky had thought she would like and appreciate the calm silence, but this time, Nicky clearly had something on his mind. And while Nile was pretty sure she knew what it was, she was not going to be the first to say something; she’d happily enjoy her denial while it lasted.

But eventually, Nicky did ask, carefully, “It’s not their mortality that’s the problem, is it?”

Nile bit her lip before slowly shaking her head. While she had been able to misdirect Andy and Joe…she knew that if she lied to Nicky on one of their walks, she would ruin them for herself forever. And that was not something she wanted to do. 

“Not their mortality, not their gender…” Nicky muttered to himself, trailing off. “I must admit, little sister, I…I don’t understand.”

Nile sighed. “To be fair, I think most people…don’t. Even when I try to explain it.”

Nicky shot her a crooked grin. “We’ve heard quite a lot, during the course of our lifetime. Do you truly think it so unbelievable?”

“I don’t want anyone. At all,” Nile blurted.

Nicky just blinked at her, staying silent.

“I don’t – sex isn’t anything great. I mean, it scratches an itch, if I really want to, but – there’s so much tied up in it, I usually just don’t bother. Which – I’m completely fine with. Really. And romance…isn’t really my area, either. That’s not – I’m happy with how it is now. I’m happy by myself – or, well, with our family, but. You get the gist…” Nile trailed off, waving a hand. “I’m not looking for partnership of any kind. I’m happy the way I am.”

Nicky nodded slowly. “And this – this is…a choice?”

Nile snorted. “No more than being gay is a choice for you.”

“I…I don’t follow.”

“Okay, so. Homosexual – attracted to your own gender, yeah? Usually people prefer gay, lesbian, MLM or WLW, but you know what I mean.” She waited for Nicky’s slow nod before continuing. “And heterosexual, attracted to opposite sex. Then there’s bisexual and pansexual – basically, attraction to multiple genders – ”

“Yes! Like Andy,” Nicky smiled.

Nile nodded. “Yeah, like Andy. And if you can be attracted to only one gender, or multiple genders, you can also be attracted to no genders. Not attracted to people sexually, that’s asexual, or ace; not attracted to people romantically, that’s aromantic, or aro. And a lot of us call ourselves aroace.” Nile shrugged, her heart pounding. “So, y’know. That’s me. Aroace. Not romantically or sexually attracted to other people. And just like being gay, this isn’t – it’s not a choice. This is who I am. And – and it took me a long time to accept it. A lot of – or, most, really – most people don’t get it. And they never will, so – I’m sorry for lying. I was…I was scared…” Nile took a deep breath. “I mean, I am scared. But – I don’t want to lie anymore.”

She closed her eyes, not willing to face Nicky just yet, and startled a little when he swung an arm around her shoulders, pulling her into a hug. “I still love you, little sister.”

Nile isn’t ashamed to admit it, she buried her face in Nicky’s shoulder and cried for a bit before pulling herself together and wiping at her eyes.

“So, are there many people like you in the world? Aroaces?” Nicky asked as they turned back toward the latest safehouse.

“I mean, it’s hard to tell. So many people have no idea, or else don’t find out for a long time, but – there are a good number of websites aroaces can find each other. AVEN is a pretty popular place – Tumblr too, even if there are a number of aphobes there too.”

“Aphobes?”

“Basically, assholes who think that ace and aro people aren’t queer enough. That we’re just straights who want to feel special. That we’re taking attention and resources away from the more ‘deserving,’” Nile ended bitterly. “It’s stupid, but some people are, I guess.”

Nicky nodded, and the rest of their walk back was in comfortable silence.

*~*

Nile was exhausted, and all she wanted to do was get into bed, but – she had told Nicky, and Joe and Andy deserved to know too, so she wearily turned to the kitchen, where she could hear them talking. But before she could take more than a couple steps, Nicky gently steered her towards the bedrooms instead. “It can wait,” he insisted. “I won’t say anything, I promise, but you should rest.”

Nile bit her lip. “I mean…I don’t mind you telling them, as long as you make them promise that questions can wait til tomorrow?”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I just…I don’t think I’m going to be able to go over the whole thing again tomorrow. And…I trust you.”

Nicky gave her a quick but solid hug before shooing her off to sleep. 

*~*

The next morning, Nile came down to a veritable feast on the table. “I mean, there’s nothing to be sorry for, but if this is the result, you’re more than forgiven,” Nile joked as she sat down. Andy snorted and Nicky smiled as Joe gave an apologetic shrug.

“Really, it’s fine, you didn’t know – you did your best with what I told you, and I know it was from a place of caring,” Nile reassured as she started to pile a plate.

“Why did you keep quiet about it?” Andy asked.

Nile paused. “I’ve had some bad experiences with telling people before, and – ” She took a deep breath before continuing. “If telling you went wrong…where else could I go?” She shrugged. “It just seemed like too big of a risk to take.”

Nile suddenly found herself in the middle of a Joe and Nicky sandwich, and even Andy looked unhappy sitting across from her. “You thought we’d make you leave over this?”

Nile closed her eyes. “No, not…directly.”

“You’re not going anywhere,” Joe promised. 

“We love you just the way you are, little sister,” Nicky added on her other side.

“Not nearly as important as you seem to think it is, kid,” Andy grumped (but Nile could see her eyes were slightly shinier than usual).

Nile could stop smiling, even as she teared up a little. “I love y’all so much,” she choked out.

The trio hugged for a few more minutes before Andy scolded them that Nile’s breakfast was getting cold, give her a chance to eat it!

Immediately the couple let go and let Nile continue eating, but they stayed close for the rest of the day. Even Andy was more affectionate than usual, and Nile soaked it all up. This was her family, and they had accepted her exactly as she was.

*~*

And everything returned to a new normal – no more awkwardness about setting Nile up, back to constant rush of missions, moving and training.

The next time they were in Paris, Joe invited Nile to visit the Louvre with him – and Nile jumped at the chance. “I would’ve loved to take art history classes in college,” she sighed as they entered.

“I’m sure we can make that happen someday,” Joe mused. “Nicky might want to update his medical knowledge soon, as well – maybe we’ll all three find a good town to go to school in.”

“And what would you want to study?” Nile asked.

Joe shrugged. “Perhaps photography. Perhaps poetry. Perhaps something more useful – psychology, since Nicky will be studying medicine…the possibilities are endless. But not history,” he finished, wrinkling his nose.

Nile smirked. “Guess that would be a bit of a task.”

Joe snorted but changed the subject, asking Nile if there was anything in particular she wanted to see.

“The Nike of Samothrace,” she responded immediately.

“Let’s start there then,” and Joe led the way.

*~*

They spent a number of hours in the Louvre, enjoying all the art and Joe murmuring some stories to Nile that absolutely blew her mind.

It was amazing, but as they left, Nile could tell that Joe was…distracted.

“Is everything okay?” she asked. “Too many memories?”

“No, no,” Joe chuckled, running a hand through his hair. “I – um. I don’t want to pry.”

“Ask away,” Nile responded.

“You said – asexuality was no sexual attraction to people, correct?”

“Mmhmm.”

“But…wouldn’t that mean…no interest in sex at all?”

Nile shook her head. “Nope. It’s – it’s more complicated than that. Attraction doesn’t equal action. You’re not interested in having sex with everyone you find sexy, right?”

Joe nodded.

“Right. So – plenty of ace people have sex for their own reasons – to have kids, to please their partner, or just because they like it even if they’re not actually sexually attracted to the people they sleep with. But also, asexuality is a spectrum. Sometimes people do feel sexual attraction in rare cases, or only if they feel a deep enough emotional connection with someone. Everyone’s experience is different, but we’re all ace.”

Joe nodded slowly. “And one could – hypothetically – be ace and also gay?”

“Right.” 

Joe nodded again and Nile let the silence stretch as they made their way back, before deciding to break it. “If you want, I can send you some articles to read?”

“I think…I think I’d like that,” Joe replied.

*~*

Nile suspected that Joe wasn’t interested in the information for himself, and it wasn’t long after she sent him the articles that Nicky invited her on another walk.

“I believe I am also ace,” Nicky started, after a number of minutes of silence.

Nile nodded, staying quiet as Nicky struggled with what he wanted to say next.

“I always – I always thought being the way I was, was – a sign. That I was destined to serve God, and not be tempted to break my vows. But then I met Yusuf, and – and it took time, but…I finally understood what all the fuss was about.”

Nile couldn’t help the chuckle that burst out of her at that.

Nicky smiled. “Indeed. So, I believe the term is – demisexual? Gay demisexual?”

“Yep,” Nile beamed, before giving him a hug.

“Thank you, Nile,” he whispered.

“Pleasure’s all mine,” she whispered back, before pulling away, wide smile on her face. “Now c’mon, I know you didn’t drag me out here *just* to tell me that. What joy of nature did you want to show me this time?”

Nicky started to describe the waterfall that was only a short hike from the safehouse, and they headed in the direction he indicated, happy to enjoy the outdoors and the new sense of familiarity and comfort with each other.


End file.
